Odds-n-Ends :: Instructions On Consumer Goods
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???. . . .)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well.. .duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to. ..what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)